Why Feminist Parents Should Crush Toxic Masculinity

Modern day feminism has a bad rep. So much so that even some women refuse to even consider its ideals. Somehow people are convinced that all feminists are man haters and want to burn all men to the ground.

That is simply not the case.

By definition, feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.

That doesn’t really scream “I HATE MEN,” now, does it?

In fact, feminism wants the opposite. We want to SAVE OUR MEN.

We want to help pull them from the grips of toxic masculinity. And - yes - it is really a thing.

Feminist parenting revolves completely around the word respect. It teaches respect for self and for others at all times. It promotes equality, non-violent communication, and happiness. It is also not only meant for our girls. It is meant to raise our boys in environments that help them become healthy and happy adults.

There are many ways to protect your sons, but I’m going to discuss three of them.

Don’t Perpetuate Gender Roles

Ask yourself why it is that your son cannot play with a doll. What answers do you come up with? Is the only answer “because dolls are for girls?” Then, you are contributing to toxic masculinity.

Boys grow up and become dads, uncles, stepfathers, and more. They may not have their own children, but they may work with children in careers like education and child psychology. So, what is wrong with a boy learning how to care for a “baby” or a “child?” What is wrong with a boy learning sympathy and empathy?

Is it because being caring and having sympathy and empathy are “female” traits?

Is it because you don’t want to “raise a sissy?”

That’s what I thought.

Don’t deny your son items because they are pink or some other thing that is considered “girly.” Listen to your son and take his interests into consideration. If he wants a toy kitchen instead of a toolkit, get him one. Cooking is a skill that everyone should know.

This also doesn’t stop at toys. Chores and life skills that you teach your son should cover all aspects of life. Teach them how to properly wash, dry, fold, and put away clothes. Show them how to sweep, mop, and wash dishes. Teach them how to feed themselves. None of these skills should only be taught to girls.

Don’t Demonize Emotions

If your son needs to cry, let him cry. If he has been hurt, physically or emotionally, allow him to feel that pain and learn from it. Be there for him. He supportive. But let him cry.

The phrase “boys don’t cry” is one of the most damning phrases in toxic masculinity. To negate an entire emotion because boys are expected to be “strong” is an insult to the word strength.

Strength is having the courage to live through anything - it’s having the courage to move on, to feel things as they come and learn from them. Strength is made stronger by feeling emotion.

Furthermore, why are the attributes of strength different for men and women? We live in the same world. We face the same obstacles. But only one gender is “allowed” to cry without being demonized.

Don’t Praise Violence

We see this all too often. Winning a fist fight is bragging rights. Parents saying, “No son of mine is going to back away from a fight.”

Now, I understand that we are allowed to defend ourselves. I do not teach my kids to simply take a beating. They are taught that, if they are attacked, they should defend themselves.

However, toxic masculinity breeds violence. It instills in our boys that talking things through is weak and that they should act on their anger in more physical ways. It nurtures anger and discourages any other way of reacting to provocation.

Toxic masculinity is defined by adherence to traditional male gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys and men to express, including social expectations that men seek to be dominant (the “alpha male”) and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger.

Part of helping our boys understand and deal with their anger is encouraging them to feel their emotions, as covered in the last section of this blog. All emotions - even the negative ones that we feel - are valid and should be treated as such, so we can learn from them.

These are only a few ways that you can help crush toxic masculinity within your household - the perfect place to start the rescue of our boys from what society expects of them. I urge you to continue these practices outside of your households, as well.

Remember that this world can be cruel, and it’s tough on our boys, too. Stick up for them and support them in their own personal journeys to not fall victim to toxic masculinity.

What are some other methods that you believe can crush toxic masculinity?