Yesterday was a bad day.
It wasn’t a day full of bad things; it was just a bad day.
This is what it’s like to live with anxiety. It creeps up on you without warning, like thick, black oil slithering into a tranquil sea - corrupting calmness and creating chaos.
The worst part is that yesterday was honestly a really good day. I officially became a blogger and freelance writer for Baton Rouge Parents magazine and website, and I was on cloud nine. I was more excited than I’d been in a very long time.
But my skin was crawling.
You see, anxiety is not stress. It is something completely different. It does not always have a trigger. It does not listen to reason. It just arrives and takes over - and your body and mind are no longer your own.
And this is why, on one of the best days I’d had in a while, I was picking at my skin and wringing my hands.
To make matters worse, I had to go grocery shopping. I brought my daughter with me - she is my sun, helping tether me to happiness when anxiety has its hands around my throat. I went into auto mode - doing what I knew I needed to do for my family. But everyone was looking at me, and I could feel their glances. It felt like they could see through me, see the tension in my muscles and joints.
It took everything in me to keep my head up.
But I did it - I kept my head up.
This is my message to you.
I see you. I see you struggling just as I do. I see your fear. I see your panic. I see.
But you are not broken.
We are not broken.
When you are in anxiety’s tightest grip and your breath is caught in your throat, remember this one thing - THIS IS TEMPORARY.
Repeat it to yourself. Make sure it is in the front of your thoughts as you make your way through. It may last a single day; it may last a week or more. You may be stuck in your room, unable to face all the eyes on the outside. You may be walking among the world with your wall up, struggling through the day in auto mode.
And you know that this is temporary.
I made it through my day yesterday, and today, I woke up feeling great. My skin isn’t crawling, and my thoughts are my own. Anxiety does not have to dictate our lives. We can learn to live with it and liken it to an extremely annoying roommate.
I had an entire blog planned to write for you all yesterday, but I could not make coherent sentences in my head. And I needed to share my story because it’s the same story so many of us have.
I wanted you all to know that you are not alone - and the bullshit is all temporary.